Today marks one month that Jake and I have been married! I talked to my dad over the weekend and he asked how things were going. I told him we still like each other, so we’re off to a good start lol!
I can’t believe it’s already been a month, but time just seems to fly by now that the wedding is over. I waited what felt like forever for it to get here, then it was gone in a flash.
I wanted to share a few things about what it’s been like over the last few weeks since we tied the knot, AND share our wedding video with you! It’s a super personal and sappy video, but I love all of you that follow my blog and wanted to share it with you for that reason. So many of you reached out to me before, during, and after the wedding to send us well wishes and congratulations, and I want to share this snippet with all of you as a thank you for being a part of our journey.
So, what has it been like?
Literally every person you see asks you “how’s married life?”
It’s wonderful! But for us, married life isn’t that different. We already lived together for a year before we got married, so we pretty much had our general routine down. The biggest difference is we are no longer planning the wedding! It’s actually a huge stress relief to be done, and although I loved planning everything out, I am glad to be done haha. It got pretty crazy at the end, but it was all so worth it.
There IS a difference in how we feel.
Even though not much has changed routine-wise for us, we both felt a kind of “shift” when we officially got married. We feel more like a team than ever, which is really just an awesome feeling. We basically talk about everything together (sappy, I know) and make joint decisions on both big and small things. When you’re dating the person you know you’re going to marry, it’s nice to think “wow, this person will be with me forever”. After you get married, it moves from being a nice thought to being a KNOWING that they’ll be there. This is your person that you can always count on 100% for anything no matter what, and to love you unconditionally at the same time. That is the best feeling in the world.
People really do immediately start asking about kids.
I know it was totally the norm for our parents and grandparents to get married and immediate pop out 2.5 kids, but that is not on our radar any time soon. We have 2 dogs that are as close as we need to kids right now, and we aren’t even sure if we will have kids. I lost my son Zach to a rare birth defect, and it’s hard for me to think about going through something so traumatic again, no matter how unlikely it would be. And that’s not something that’s cheery to tell people, or easy to explain to a complete stranger. Jake is ok with the possibility of us not having kids, but society doesn’t seem to be. Asking people about kids is a really personal question, y’all. Especially right after someone’s wedding! We just want to be married for a while and enjoy it. If kids are in our future, it’s up to God, not us.
It was harder than I expected to change my last name.
I’m the last Haines in my whole family, so the name stops with me. I had always looked forward to changing my name because kids were pretty mean to me for it growing up, and I’m pretty traditional in the sense of wanting to take my husband’s name. Since I had looked forward to it for so long, I thought I’d immediately get it done. But I didn’t. I kind of subconsciously procrastinated, and once I thought about it, it was because I was kind of sad to not be a Haines anymore. I’m thrilled to be a Thompson, don’t get me wrong! But Haines will still always be a part of who I am. I also have to remember to introduce myself the right way!
Doing nice things for your spouse means they want to do nice things for you, too.
When Jake and I moved in together, we didn’t really “assign” chores. We both just kind of fell into different things that we both preferred doing, and it was pretty even. I hate doing the dishes, and Jake doesn’t mind, so that’s usually his thing. He hates doing the laundry, and I like folding warm clothes, so usually that’s my thing. But what’s awesome about being married is you both just do things to be nice to the other, and it starts a domino effect. I’ll do the dishes and clean the kitchen just because, and to say thank you, Jake will wash the clothes and bedding for me just because. This goes back to working as a team in all things, and just having the desire to do something nice to make your partner smile. This isn’t limited to household chores, either. Little gifts now and then, a random text saying how much you love them. There are so many ways to go about it.
People say this fades over time, but I think if you just keep doing nice things, it will continue to keep happening! I also think it’s really important to always say thank you when your spouse does things, even for little things that are “expected”, like taking out the trash. It’s so important to make each other feel appreciated and let them know you see that they’re doing something you appreciate. I think this is a big reason Jake and I rarely fight.
It’s much more fun to say “husband” than “fiance”.
I always felt kind of bougie for saying fiance haha, I’m not sure why! It just feels like a word people like to throw around to let everyone know they’re engaged. I much prefer being able to call Jake my husband, because it feels so much more fitting for us anyway. “Husband” encompasses so many roles; best friend, lover, teacher, life-partner. I’m glad to have it official now!
We have so much more free time.
Now that wedding planning is over, we have more free time, and not to mention more money! We were dedicating all of our resources to the wedding. I spent all of my free time doing wedding related things. Now that it’s over, we get all that time back, and it’s great. We are both home bodies, so now we just get to enjoy being home together with the boys and chill out stress free!
And now, without further ado, our wedding video! We added our videographer very last minute (less than 3 weeks before the wedding!) and it was THE BEST decision. I’m so thankful to have this to look back on for the rest of our lives and watch over and over! Thank you to Bel Amour Productions for everything you guys did for us, I love how it turned out!
PS – It rained on our wedding day, which pushed our ceremony inside last minute. The pergola you see in the video was built by my amazing husband and his partner/groomsman, Sean, in under 30 minutes the day before the wedding! Rain is supposed to be good luck on your wedding day because a tied knot that gets wet is much harder to undo 😉 so I’ll take it! And Jake and I did not do a first look — I tied his tie with his eyes closed. His first time seeing me was walking down the isle which was exactly what I wanted!
Let me know what you think!!
XO,
Dani
